Date: Friday, 19 May 2000
Dear David, Faye and Glenn,
Long time no hear! Finally I have taken the time to put some of my experiences with The Great Deceiver on paper. I really appreciate what you are doing. I think it is absolutely vital what you are doing because a lot of harm is being done and this needs to stop. Not doing what you are doing defeats the purpose of all those years of travel to India. We all went there to find the truth after all.
As I had told you I travelled to India extensively for a period of 5 years. During this period (1992 - 97) I had many (35) private audiences with Sai Baba.
I got to know him in 1988 through a friend in Italy, who had passed on a book. After about four years I made my first trip to India with my girlfriend, mother and father. The years that followed were making for some very intense years in my life. Sai Baba fairly much from the first private audience had suggested to my girlfriend and I that we were to split up from each other for our own good. He did this in a very public and embarrassing way, purposely humiliating my girlfriend and myself. We had built a lot of "faith and mystery" around him and had by now accepted him as God incarnate on earth, the epitome of spirituality, the epitome of human divine spiritual expression.
There were many books written by people from all parts of the world that listed miracle after miracle. People had cured from fatal diseases by virtue of touching jewellery "materialised by Swami". He "appeared" in front of people in all different parts of the world. Millions of people travelled to India to see "God on Earth". Millions of People came and cried upon his sight, some were cured of their illnesses, some freed of their anxieties of life and some died in peace. Some left laden with trinkets or real golden rings, watches, pendants, all materialised by "Swami".
Sai Baba has been enjoying a lot of popularity in the West. He has a great ability to play with and communicate to large crowds of people. It is this particular power that allows him to manipulate people. It takes a Great Man not to abuse this power...
During these four years of travels to India, Sai Baba would perform a certain ritual each time he would call me in for a private audience or interview. He would ask me to take down my pants. He would than "oint" my umbilical area; testicles and penis with oil which he "materialised". After this ritual he would ask me to pull up my pants and tidy them up. I had heard of this ritual and it seemed to be "common knowledge" that this was done to balance the sexual energy or Kundalini. I had never thought anything of it. When I was in Elementary School in Holland, the school doctor used to check and touch your testicles to see if you were growing properly. I likened this ritual to a visit to the doctor. It was just for a different purpose. Very unassumingly I continued to receive this treatment, convinced it was going to do me some good!
Each and every trip he would "materialise" trinkets, jewellery, "vibhuti" and oil. I noticed that he was particularly generous with the people that donated a lot of money or equipment for the various kitchens in the Ashram. I did also notice that he would call in a lot of young guys out of the crowd and never girls.
In one particular interview, I saw him take a ring from under the handkerchief that was on the armrest of his chair. I thought not much of it. I never really attached much value to the materialisations and knew that the receiver was going to be an ecstatically happy person... Shortly after, one of my friends in the group said to me: "Gosh, what a test! Swami wanted to show me that he did not materialise the ring, but that he took it from under his handkerchief! Isn't he funny! He is really testing us!" I did not give it any focus; I never had focused much on these materialisations and the thought of accepting that he was not actually materialising these objects was probably very unattractive for my mind. I had also received a ring, two bracelets and a necklace so I guess I had satisfied that desire!
Through the years I got more and more attention on a personal level from Sai Baba. This went accompanied with receiving VIP seating for doing work in the kitchen. As the crowds grew over the years it became increasingly difficult to see "Swami" up close. There was a preferred seating area for people who worked in the kitchen since they were not able to "do the lines". They often worked until 30 minutes before Darshan. Arriving that late they would always find themselves sitting in the back of the large crowd, so by getting this "reserved seat" they were able to every now and then have a close encounter with "the Master".These groups were organised in lines of two or three and rotate so that everybody got a fair chance to get close.
Although initially I was very much against this way of operating, I succumbed to my desire to get a close encounter with the "Master" and accepted a preferred seat the third time it was offered to me. After two years I had become a "steady member" of a group that would travel to India three times a year, to do volunteer work in the Ashram. The group would cook food for up to 6000 people around the festivals and various multi-religious celebrations (Christmas, Shivaraatri etc) The group would bring thousands of kilo's of food at its own expense as well as a lot of industrial kitchen machinery etc. There were many other groups that brought help in some form or shape and it was beautiful to be part of this enormous "collective effort".
Our group had a place of its own. We did not have to wait in line and had always-front row seating. On some occasions (on Festivals and Celebrations) we were even allowed to sit on the veranda. We would always get to see "Swami" from up-close and feel very fortunate.
The ego was certainly satisfied with this powerful position! So many people wanted to be close to him. Millions of people travelled to get a glimpse of him and here we were right up front! It is incredible how the mind comes up with justifications when it suits our personal purpose.
During one of the last visits, there was a young guy who had travelled with us from Italy. He had not been to India before. He accompanied his girlfriend and her father, who was part of the group. Shortly after we arrived in the Ashram we got our usual immediate welcome interview in which Sai Baba was briefed on what we had brought from home as well as our personal, business and daily life problems Sai Baba called in this particular young man again, a few days later by himself. He was given a watch! "Swami" had materialised a watch for him! He came to me fairly shortly after and was quite shocked (like most people were, all for their own different reasons). He asked me to explain him something;"Swami hugged me, and then kissed me, on the lips and tried to engage me by probing my mouth with his tongue". When I heard his story, I was very shocked. This young boy (18/19) was quite confused and asked me what I thought of it. He had thought of Kundalini and that it was to "balance his energy". I did not know. I told him that that could be the case but that I did not know.
We both talked about it for some more time. I told him about the ritual that I had been going through over the past years and this was maybe something in that line...
On one of our trips to India I remember the group bringing so much, we had thousands of kilos of overweight. Among the things the group brought were watches. These hundreds of watches were destined to go to the students. Not long after arriving we brought some of the things we had brought to the front door of the Poornachandra, in front of Sai Baba's house. A very kind gentleman at the entrance of Sai Baba”s home (front of the Poornachandra) was handed the goods and told from who the offerings came and that Sai Baba was expecting them (especially after the attempt on his life there was a very strict security control).
Only a few weeks later, I encounter a student, who proudly shows me his watch and tells me that his watch was "materialised" by Sai Baba! He was as happy as I was astounded. And again I decided to stuff the thoughts I had away, saying to myself that it was great that this boy was so happy and that the philosophy was important and not where this watch came from. I decided that what was instilled in this boy through this gift was going to help him in life to be the person that he aspired to be. In that same period a a Greek gentleman had asked my friend why he thought he got this watch from Italy.
During another trip a friend came along who was ill with cancer. She wanted to give an ambulance to the hospital. She was included in the group by the leader of our group. It was suggested that buying an ambulance was to complicated. So she donated a large sum of money. The next day she got an interview in which she received a "materialised ring".
In my last trip to India (November of 96), I arrived early from Australia and my friends from Europe had not arrived yet. The usual kitchen managers were no longer running the kitchen. Upon arrival, Sai Baba asked me to reopen the Western Canteen and start preparing food for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. I collected a group of people and was ordered/recommended by ashram management not to allow any Sri Lankans in the kitchen! All people I appointed were screened by the management and we started working. Several days later, my friends from Europe joined me. We had several interviews together. It was around the 10th of December that they left, except for one of my close friends. We spent some beautiful moments together. It was almost as if we were like the apostles around Jesus. We were moved even further ahead now and we were seated in the ashram management area, very close to the front. Sai Baba came to us each and every Darshan and would have a chat with us. These were very special moments. We felt very privileged.
The day of my friend's departure, we were called in for an interview together. Sai Baba materialised another bracelet for my friend and for me. In this same trip he had "materialised" (one of my friends was "tested' and saw him bring the object from the neighbouring room) a jar of amrith, "divine nectar" with a spoon which he used to give us all a spoon after which he said; "From now on no more bad karma and no more bad luck in your life". "You are very special people, this is a privilege!! There are so many people out there and you are the lucky ones!" When I asked him why he said that all our hearts were pure and that there was not self interest involved in the work we did (we had many power struggles and quarrels over positions in the group, just like any other group of humans may have).
My friend had now left. I was by myself and was called in a few days after he had left. I went into the interview room and was given a private audience in a separate room. When in this separate room, he asked me how things were in Australia. He told me that he would give me every thing, money, a house, a wife EVERYTHING!
He then signed me to come closer and hug him.
Earlier that trip he had asked me to kiss him on the cheek, while I was helping him getting something from a room adjacent to the interview room. This was a little room where he kept his gowns. It was his custom to give a gown to people for healing purposes or when they had opened one of his centres in their home countries(it was common believe that "hugging" a gown could cure a disease). He asked me to help him get something from that room. While leaning over to get something from a lower shelf in the closet, when rising, he pointed at his cheek, indicating that he wanted me to kiss him. I did so, very surprised and kind of suspicious. I come from a country though where man and women irrespective of sex, kiss each other on the cheek three times. So after my first suspicion, relativised everything back to normal (I am still amazed today, how far ones mind can go!)
So back to that moment where he asked me to come closer. He then hugs me ( I am on my knees and he is seated on his chair-there are no people present). He now turns his face and puts his lips on mine; my head his spinning and my mind is running at 500 kilometres per hour. I don't know what to do! My mouth tightens up, and I feel extremely uncomfortable and confused with this "perceived incarnation of GOD on earth trying to kiss me on and in my mouth!! Sai Baba slaps me on my cheek and says "Loosen up!!! With other people not OK with Sai Baba OK " I am even more uncomfortable now and feel disgusted at the same time.
Sai Baba realised his and my predicament and decides not to continue. He now tells me again that he will give me everything and stands up and tells me to do padnamnamaskaar. As I go on my knees, and touch his feet with my forehead, he pulls up my arms and indicates he wants his calf muscles massaged. Although very uncomfortable with everything that had happened I still continued to listen to him. Many people knew how he liked having his calve muscles massaged and I had seen respectable men and women of all walks of life do the same thing....he now takes my head and pushes it quite firmly into his groin...he then pulls up my arms and asks me to go higher and higher and higher...NOW I AM HOLDING HIS BUTTOCKS AND WONDER WHAT THE HELL MY DIVINE MASTER IS ASKING ME TO DO!!! Fuse!!! Crash! I let go my arms and now I am even more shell shocked...he pulls up his dress, presents me his half-erect penis and invites me to take up my "Good Luck Chance":
"This is your Good Luck Chance"
I am now on my knees facing his erect penis, being asked to perform oral sex. He stands there, and I think:
AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?.........COULD I DO THIS?
I then instinctively stretch out my right arm and put on the part of his chest which hides his heart and say: "I don't want this Swami, I want your heart"
He now drops his dress and tells me: "Yes yes yes of course you have my heart"
He now asks me to take my pants down, "discovers" my penis is not erect and tells me that that is how it is supposed to be!"Swami is inside there see, Swami is inside there." Hell NO! That is Mine and Mine! And you are certainly not in there! I thought
He asks me to do Padnamnamaskaar again, and again he pulls up his dress "This is your second Good Luck Chance" he said.
I refuse and get up without saying anything. I am now angry, confused and dazed. I feel burning! God just took a backdoor! A very clever manipulator and professional deceiver had just trashed the fundamentals of the past eight years of my life. I had abstained from any sexual activity because he had suggested it was good for my spiritual Evolution. He had harassed and embarrassed my girlfriend and myself because of our difference in age, while he was hitting on someone 42 years his junior...He had told us to break up our relationship and for what reason?! So he could have a go?!?!
In reality I pulled the carpet myself from under a mental castle which I had built myself. I am responsible for that, he is responsible for abusing the good faith of people, their trust. Some people even went as far as putting their life on the line and actually loosing it!
He asked me to keep this quiet, to not say anything to anyone
I walked out of the interview room and ran to my room.
I lock myself in.
I blacked out until 6am the next morning (from 5 PM the day before)
The next morning people that apparently came to my room and knocked approached me on the door.
Someone had called Europe even and told the leader of the group who was back in Europe. I got a call from her the morning after. She expressed concern and told me people had seen me walking out of the interview room all pale then they tried the apartment but I had locked myself in. She asked me what had happened. "Did he try to have sex with you?" she asked. I told her that it was something between him and me. I did not want to talk about it.
The first few days after I sit in darshan at a distance, not wanting to be close. I look at the masses and masses of people and wonder how he manages to fool all these people."Who are you!" I ask myself...a few weeks pass. I get another interview with a group of Germans / Russians. My attention is elsewhere and Sai Baba monitors every move of my eyes. I see his ring trick and how he tosses the old ring between the pillow and the armrest of his seat. I look at this Older Russian lady who is crying while she sits in front of him. He is playing the crowd, and all of a sudden the GODhead has become a bad trickster. In the mean time the group has arrived from Europe and we are all working hard in the kitchen. I had thrown myself in the work to forget something, which I was trying to refuse to accept: reality.
There was a big power shake up in the kitchen and I had no interest to participate in the whole situation any longer. I had a chat with the leader of the group because I had not been going to darshan anymore. My last day in the ashram I talked to the leader of the group. Again she insists that I tell her what happened." So did he try to have sex with you?" was the question. Tired of it all I told her what had happened. This was the evening of the fourth or fifth of January. Immediately after she has an interview with Sai Baba, by herself this time, without the rest of the group. After she comes out of the interview room, several hours later, I am summoned to an elderly gentleman from Security, whom I knew well, with whom I had become friends!. Several years before, when I accompanied a couple from Europe, who did not speak any English, he had spent time with this couple, their three-year-old son, who had cancer and me. This gentleman looked very awkward and asked me if he could take my photo. I said of course not knowing what was happening, understanding something had gone wrong. He was accompanied by 2 seva dal's. One of them took a picture from the front and then asked me to turn to the side. When I asked my friend what was happening he nodded uncomfortable and said I don't know.
They then escorted me to the secretary of the Ashram whom ordered me to leave as soon as possible. I had behaved improperly and had to leave. When I asked what the reason was he commanded that I was not allowed to ask anything, and that I was only allowed to leave. "You are to leave the Ashram. You are strongly advised not to hang around the village, to go as soon as possible to Bangalore and catch the first flight out...I left.
All my friends of the group were absolutely amazed and destroyed when they heard that I had been expelled. Except for one person...the same person who spoke to Sai Baba a few hours before. So they got rid of a possible "loose cannon"
But what about the miracles? But what about the prophecies that describe a man like him? But what about the dreams I had with him? (It is common believe that when one dreams of Sai Baba, it is actually him willing it. You cannot dream of him if he does not will it. When you dream of him, it is actually him coming to you, and hence, a special grace.)But what about the "materialisations"? Self Interest has no boundaries. The mind finds all reasons to justify means to reach, or maintain a purpose.
But what about the three year old boy?
Now what of that three-year-old boy that Sai Baba said he would cure? What about the fact that he had said to the parents (I was their personal translator) that they should not bring their child to the hospital anymore? They should not worry anymore about the therapy, "I will take care of him and cure him".
But what about the fact that the three year old boy died 6 months later from the disease?
What about the fact that he had promised two friends (father and son, I was their translator) in our group a lingam to cure the disease of their wife/ mother. And he made the same promise a second time in a second trip they made to India. Now the son was sick and had constant fever. How about the fact that Sai Baba still had not given them this lingam, the mother was still sick and now he promised that he would cure the son and not to worry,"¡Don't take the medicine!?" How about the fact that they went back again some 6 months later and said to Sai Baba that he could not work without taking the pills because he could not work with 39 degrees fever. And what about the fact that Sai Baba insisted that "it is only Body Heat, don't worry, I will take care of you". "Don't take the medicine", he repeated. But what about the fact that he died several months later?
What about the fact that when you give money you get a nice seat on the veranda, or that you can buy Sai Baba's attention by making big donations (you have to make sure though you pass all your personal details through to the right people)
But what about the fact that you are likely to get attention if you are male and good looking?
But What about the fact that he talks about abstaining from sex but has a go whenever he can?
And what about the fact that he breaks up a relationship to then hit on the male?
And what about the fact that he tells the a big group of people that the perfect age difference between two people is 3 to 4 years: quote; "Unlike the guy in kitchen with the long hair who is going out with a seventy year old women and all he does it for is the money." But then for him, 72 years of age it is OK to ask sexual favours from a guy who is 44 years younger?
And what about this COMPULSIVE DECEPTION? I took me 3 years.
And I don't expect any genuine devotee of Sai Baba to accept the above facts just like that. As a matter of fact many will come up with a good reason why "He is an avatar anyway. His ways are not to be scrutinised, who am I to understand."
Been there. Nothing new. But the facts, the truth, that for which we all travelled to India is now calling for us. The truth is crying for help.
With the other crushing and devastating findings (alleged paedophilia etc) in this report from other unassuming devotees, I believe one owes it to ones own spirit, to accept and grow and be ready to support all those people that we considered brothers and sisters, because many of them, and especially the older ones, who have been devotees for decades , will need all the support they can get .
G o o d L u c k
H a n s d e K r a k e r